


Thorns and knots

by Jade_exe



Series: The damage after the fall [2]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: AU, Angst, Hurt No Comfort, I'm Sorry, Inspired by Music, Introspection, M/M, dancer hyungwon, pianist hoseok, professional performers, stage fright
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 17:18:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16937460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jade_exe/pseuds/Jade_exe
Summary: "When I take one step closer, the flower path grows thorns.Then, you reach out to save me"





	Thorns and knots

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to SVT's My I when I wrote this, so yeah, if you wanna try it out, feel free to listen to it while reading uwu

 

 

When Hoseok presses the first key, the initial note, Hyungwon's body reacts without his mind being fully conscious. He's actually surprised by his limbs reacting so promptly.

But he's used to it. In the intro, everything feels foggy and confused. It's like he has just woken up and he needs time to adjust to that load of new perceptions and sensations.

He doesn't really feel his body. It's as if he's just a mere marionette moved by the sweet melody produced by Hoseok's piano.

He's only soullessly executing the choreography he has learnt by heart in months spent not sleeping and forgetting to eat. He's poured so much pain and effort in that process, he'd better dance flawlessly on those sounds, regardless of whether his mind is involved or not.

 

Yet he'd better wake his heart up soon. Because he's so perfectly aware that putting feelings in his dancing it's his only way to escape the physical and mental stress that the stage causes him.

His heart had better wake up soon, but it doesn't seem willing to do it. He can't wait any longer, though. He needs it straight away.

 

The focal point of the choreography is approaching, and he still doesn't feel anything. The piano echoes, distant and unclear, while he's blindly executing the fast chassé. He jumps on a higher note Hoseok offers him, but his grand jeté is so full of despair it looks like the mute representation of a cry for help.

His mind is playing dirty against him. It makes him feel an exhaustion which shouldn't be there; not yet. It transforms the polished surface of the wooden floor in a carpet made out of sharp thorns.

 

He still doesn't feel anything.

 

The lights are blinding, the air feels so cold, thick and difficult to move. He's tired, his feet hurt, he wants it to be over. The lights are so blinding that the only thing he can see in front of him is a dark, empty void.

Being on stage is always like this: no matter how hard he tries to discern some distinct outlines in the stalls before him, it's almost impossible.

It's always like this, it's him alone dancing for a black hole that isn't even actually looking.

He's alone and lost.

 

He's fighting desperately against he doesn't even know who or what. He only feels his body getting closer and closer to surrender with each step he takes on that expanse of needles, which is threatening to destroy him completely.

He suddenly feels his muscles refusing to relax, chained up by the invisible strength the air seems to have gathered. It's as they've abruptly turned into glass, about to shatter in a million small fragments. Fragments probably representing every single shade in the spectrum of the different types of agony he always feels in moments like that one.

He doesn't understand whether all of this is real or if it's just him going crazy because of the pressure.

 

But it's always like this: when he's struggling the most, he doesn't know how Hoseok manages to do it, the melody, which was once so distant and muffled, finally permeates under his skin. He feels the notes floating in his veins; the music embraces him and the air surrounding him is now rarefied. The harmony of sounds accompanies his limbs as they move; it supports his entire body, almost as if invisible wings had grown on his back.

He glares towards the pianist.

_His pianist._

 

Then he feels something.

 

The confirmation that everything he's feeling now is real, lies right there in Hoseok's eyes. That half second of shared complicity is enough to let him feel his ankles become steady once again. His feet don't hurt anymore, he's finally freed himself from the thorns that were tangling his bare feet to the cold wooden boards.

He knows the only reason why he can dance like that it's thanks to Hoseok.

So, he eventually remembers what his mind already knows, but always precludes him from acknowledging: he has not spent eight years of his precious youth dancing until he couldn't stand anymore and getting injured countless times just to end up performing in front of a hollow, inanimate darkness.

He won't waste his tears and frustration for such an unworthy public. Who doesn't know him doesn't deserve to catch his true feelings, which he expresses in his moves.

Hoseok does.

 

Hyungwon knows Hoseok is the only one who could possibly be able to hold his heart in his hands and actually take good care of it.

If only he'd let him.

 

His body drops to the floor and paralyzes as Hoseok's fingers caress the final tile, finally putting an end to their common sorrow.

When the music hall fills with the cacophony of hands clapping and people acclaiming the two of them, Hyungwon doubts his legs will allow him to stand. But they seem to be obedient today, much to his luck.

So, the dancer and the pianist meet on the front part of the stage, then they bow in perfect synchro. Through the strands of his hair, Hyungwon allows himself to quickly peek at Hoseok, who's still standing beside him.

He makes him feel safe.

 

While they take their leave, Hyungwon confusedly hears someone in the public asking for an encore. A few seconds later, the entire audience is begging for them to repeat their performance.

He doesn't stop walking, neither does Hoseok. They're both aware none of the two could be able to stand a second more on that damned stage.

He doesn't say a word as he and Hoseok part ways backstage.

Hyungwon is always like this. He's all about glares and nothing about words, especially at the end of a challenging performance. He assumes Hoseok might have gotten used to that, but he's sure he still suffers deep down inside his soul.

 

Hyungwon knows Hoseok doesn't deserve such treatment.

But for his part, Hyungwon doesn't deserve another weakness adding up to the pile of thoughts menacing to tear him apart.

**Author's Note:**

> so this is it, Hyungwon's POV on the events described in the previous work ;)  
> If anybody knows why Hyungwonho is so damn perfect for angst please tell me oof
> 
> btw you can find me on Twitter @ Won_my_heart if you wanna chat or something <3
> 
> -Jade


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